I’m a bad dad who loves stats and hands out badges

Is it bad when your kids think the Tooth Fairy comes while they are at school?  Trevor came home from school and showed us his gap where the tooth was.

Me:  Where is the tooth?

Trevor:  It’s underneath my pillow but the Tooth Fairy didn’t come.

Me:  When did it fall out?

Trevor:  Last night.

Me:  Well, maybe the tooth fairy didn’t get a chance to schedule his stop here since it happened while you were in bed.

Trevor:  She must have been busy because she usually comes while we are at school.

Me:  Um, maybe she’ll come tonight.

Bad parenting 101 – Try to remember to put the money under the pillow that night.

Now this time it wasn’t my fault.  I didn’t even know about it until today.  But I probably would have forgotten either way.  I have, on more than one occasion, slipped $1 between my fingers and took the kids in their rooms the next day, lifted up their pillow while at the same time dropping the $1.  “See, there it is, you just must have missed it this morning.”

I’ve gone and checked out a new Social Media site.  GetGlue.com.  You check in on what TV shows or movies your watching.  Or check in to what your reading or listening to.  It’s supposed to be a site where you chat about what your doing.  Such as, if your watching “The Walking Dead” (best show on TV, by the way) then you check in and you can chat with other people watching the show.  I don’t ever use the chat.  But I log in to what I’m watching.  When you watch so many episodes, you earn stickers.  Supposedly, after you earn so many, they actually ship you real stickers.  I haven’t been on it long enough to know if that’s true or not.  I like stats, I keep stats on my life.  I keep track of how much money I spend on sports cards ($, yeah, not telling you that).  I keep track of where and how often I eat out (Taco Bell – 18 times in 2012).  I keep track of what and where I watch movies (11 Netflix DVD’s in 2012).  I keep track of how many sporting events I watch (13 Michigan basketball games in 2012).  And with this site, I can track of what TV I watch as well.  Although, for the record, I only log in to new episodes that I’m watching.  Not every show, because let’s face it, if I’m home, the TV is on.  I don’t know why I keep those stats.  But I do.  Don’t judge me, I like numbers.  You can blame my dad for that.  I don’t even do anything with the numbers I keep, I just keep adding to them.  Eventually I’ll realize how stupid it is and I’ll delete the page.  I used to keep track of how many hours I slept, but the average per night didn’t vary much after a month, so I deleted that stat (around 6 1/2 hours average).  I have a sickness.  I can’t help it.  Is there a support group for people who like stats?

“Hello, my name is Jeff, and I’m a stat-a-holic”

“HELLO JEFF.  Welcome to stat-a-holics.  Where we have supported 225 people and graduated 204 for a graduation rate of 90.6%.  Damn it, no stats.  My bad.  I forget that I’m not supposed to use stats 86.7% of the time.  Damn it.  I suck.  Change that to 203 for a graduation rate of 90.2%.  Son of a Bitch.”

I have problems.  By the way, you can click the GetGlue.com logo above to check out my profile and see what I’ve been watching for the last few days.

I came across some badges.

“BADGES, WE DON’T NEED NO STINKING BADGES”

Sorry, anyways.  I came across some badges that I want to give to my wife.  I love her with all my heart and think she deserves some awards.  If I was smarter, I’d wait another night to do this because she’s been a little moody tonight.  But I’m not that smart.  I don’t know how she could be moody considering we are watching baseball.  I mean, if baseball can’t brighten your day, I don’t know what can.

 

First.    Yep, you read that right.  Remember when I talked about me being antisocial, well, so is she.  But she loves her cat.  More than anybody else that lives in our household.  She won’t admit it, but we know better.

Second.    If it were up to her, she would never leave the house.  She does, but only because she has to.  I can’t really say anything, I would be right there with her.  But I do get the hankering to leave every so often, but she doesn’t.

And last but not least.    Hehe.  Sorry honey!  I have to tell the story behind this one.  We went to Red Lobster for lunch one day.  We love the cheddar biscuits.  After lunch we did some shopping, stopped by my mom’s for the evening.  Then went home.  Cheri went to brush her teeth and get ready for bed.  She came out and was mad at me.  “What did I do?” I said.  Her reply, “You let me walk around all day with the parsley flakes in my teeth.”  Ooops.  Again, sorry honey.

These badges are just a joke, honey.  I don’t want to wake up with you holding my pillow over my head, again.