I could give this card out to so many people.
Oh Sheldon, so true!
Tru dat! Usually most of the day.
This actually isn’t funny. It’s the truth.
My wife posted this on my Facebook wall. She knows me so well.
I take this everyday, because for the most part, I don’t give a fuck about much.
I’m Batman!
Now that’s my kind of religion! Sign me up!
Spoiler alert?
The sad thing is, I actually had to explain this to a friend at work because he’s never seen any of the movies. I thought this was hilarious.
“An employee at a Taco Bell in Alaska was sentenced to one day in jail for throwing a taco at his manager. He’ll spend the whole day pleading with fellow inmates to think outside the buns.” -Jimmy Fallon
I’ll take Star Wars any day.
ATTENTION:
Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, floods, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.
Hundreds of Professional Football players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren’t bad enough they could be deprived of their life giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!
For only $27,080 a month, about $902.75 a day (that’s less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NFL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it’s a start, and every little bit will help!
Although $900 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a football player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, nine hundred dollars is nothing more than a month’s rent, a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a football player, $900 will partially replace his daily salary.
Your commitment of less than $900 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio .
HOW WILL I KNOW I’M HELPING?
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples’ suffering.
HOW WILL HE KNOW I’M HELPING?
Your NFL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won’t know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.
Remember, a lifestyle is a horrible thing to waste…
———————————————————
YES, I WANT TO HELP!
I would like to sponsor a locked out NFL player. My preference is (check below):
[ ] Offense [ ] Defense [ ] Special Teams [ ] Entire team
Please charge the account listed below $902.75 per day for the duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player and my very own Roger Goodell (NFL Commissioner) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).
Your Name: ____________________Telephone Number: ___________________
Account Number: __________________Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
Signature: _______________________
Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
Signature: ______________________
p.s. If you have a little extra, please enclose for the cheerleaders. Contrary to public opinion, cheerleaders are people too
It’s not real, but I’m having a Taco-mergency right now.
This sun really likes the heat.
I love these auto corrects.
Just something real quick before I head to bed.
How can you not laugh at that.
I love this because my daughter has an iPhone and while I’ll admit they are great phones, the fact that it has cost me more money than my wife and I’s droids because everything that goes with it has to be “apple”. I haven’t paid for 1 app on my phone but she’s had to buy a few of them that were free to Droids. Not to mention the jacked up chargers you have to pay $20+ because it has to be an “apple” charger. I can get one for my droid at dollar general. I hate things where the only thing that goes with them is there stuff. Purchase our item, it’s the best. Then have the small print saying, but it’ll keep costing you bit by bit until you smarten up and buy something else.
Don’t they know Taco Bell isn’t real mexican food. Mexican’s don’t eat there.
Always good advice, but I hear that’s where lawyers come from.
Ya might want to look behind you. Better yet, that face your making, you may not want to publish this pic. Oh wait, too late, never mind.
He really likes the weather.
I’m heading off to bed now, hope I made you at least smile. Sorry about the lack of posts recently but I’ve been exhausted with working a bunch of overtime. Till next time.
Read today that Ashton Kutcher was taking the spot on “2 1/2 men”. I’d still watch it, I think the majority of the comedy in that show is the writers. It’ll have to be good to keep my interest because I used to love that show. But they haven’t lost me as a fan yet. I also heard that they already had a storyline to introduce his character. I’m glad they didn’t go the route of just picking up an actor to play Charlie’s character, I hate when they replace the actor/actress on a show. Like your not supposed to notice it’s someone new.
On to the humor.
His looks says it all.
On one hand, great usage of the water to keep that bill down, you know, showering together. But on the other hand, ewwww!! Of course, for all we know, him and his sister could be 2 year olds, then it would be cute.
I love this one, I think all parents should do this out in public. That would stop these idiots from wearing their pants half-assed. I could see myself doing this if my kids wanted to go to the mall. I’d tuck my t-shirt in my Spongebob boxers and pull my pants part way down and even walk through the mall with them. Wouldn’t bother me a bit. Maybe get a shirt that says “If my kids can dress like idiots, so can I”
This is just funny, I don’t care who you are
Twitter Tweets
@LordStewie - Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it's a brighter day.
@JerryThomas - My doctor told me I should get outside more so I took up smoking.
Haven’t posted any humor in awhile, will do so now. Not that anybody reads this but, hey, I can dream.
