Friday, September 14, 2012

Not already!

So, I received a text from my wife while at work last week.  It says “your daughter is doodling Blaine’s name on her notebook.”

Blaine is a boy she has mentioned here and there.  I’ve harassed her about boys for as long as I can remember.  Make fun of her for having a boyfriend.  But now, I don’t get the “Daddy, he’s not my boyfriend.  I don’t like boys.”  I get the grin and puts her head down so I can’t see it.

I got home, took my shower and when I came out, Samantha was sitting at the dinner table so I went into her room.  Guess what I saw sitting on her desk.

2012-09-06_19-54-21_104

OH HELL NO!  She came walking in when I was taking the picture.  She asked what I was doing.

going on my blog

She is only 10, she can’t be into boys yet.  I thought I would at least make it a few more years before I had to threaten boys (again, I threatened Skyler’s boyfriends once, but that’s another story).

“Step away from my daughter, and get off my lawn!”

I’ve told her to enjoy her time with him at school because she will never see him outside of it.  I’ve told her she’s grounded till she’s 30.  I’ve told her she’s not allowed to date until she’s 30.  She doesn’t care what I say.  I’ve lost her.  I’m going to have to kill someone to make her believe me.  And that only leaves me with more questions.

  • Can I use blogger in prison?
  • What about internet porn?
  • With all the body washes out there, do I still need a soap on a rope?

This is so not fair, kill me now.

 


Dude Write

I am participating in the Dude Write Starting Lineup this week where you can find some excellent posts by bloggers who happen to be dudes.  Stop by, read them all and vote for me and 4 others.

20 comments:

  1. I look back and think "why did I ever potty train my daughter". If I had forgotten that, I am pretty damn sure she would be home by 10.

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  2. lol! Very amusing Jeff! I was looking at boys way before 10. So consider yourself lucky. My Barbies had quite the sex life. Ha ha

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    1. Yeah but your hormones always ran wild. At least that's what I'm telling myself so I don't have to admit she's into boys already.

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  3. Oh man, it won't be getting any easier now, will it? However, should you end up in jail, any chance of me getting your Gran Torino?

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    1. If I go to jail, it's all yours. Oh, and if I get one, then go to jail, then it's all yours.

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  4. I can sympathize with you although I've never had a daughter. Our son is thirty and still looking for the right woman, and his mother and I are impatiently waiting for grandchildren. Your blog is great and I'm your newest member. I've signed up so I can enjoy more of your great writing. Take care.

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    1. I have 17 and 18 year old stepkids too, I'm definitely not waiting for grandchildren yet. Thanks for following, I've been reading yours for a few weeks as well. I've been enjoying it.

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  5. Her picture is so cute! It reminds of something I would have done at that age. Yes, at that age. The roller coaster has begun!

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    1. You couldn't just lie to me and tell me it's a phase? I want off this ride.

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  6. As a father of two girls I can certainly empathize with you. Both of my girls were teenagers at the same time, and I employed many of the same threats and tactics that you have tried with no avail. All you can do is hope and pray that some of what you taught her sinks in before she does something anything stupid.

    Good luck!

    Michael A. Walker
    Defying Procrastination

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    1. Yikes, 2 teenagers at once. I just got my 17 year old step-daughter out of the house (college). I'm not looking forward to dealing with those years again.

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  7. We were smart, we established a no dating / no boyfriend or girlfriend until 16 rule. Enforcing it with the boys wasn't too big a deal, though mom tried to cave for a big dance.

    But my eight year old is going to test my patience. I've already told her that it's not a matter of IF I will be cleaning a gun when her first date arrives, but WHICH gun I will be cleaning. I will use such lines as "boy, do you like my pickup truck with the 6' bed? By the way, how tall are you?" and "have you ever dug a grave before and I mean literally how handy are you with a shovel?"

    She thinks I'm cute now, but in another 5 years, there will be much rolling of the eyes.

    WG

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    1. Oh yeah! Rolling of the eyes, the universal sign for "whatever!". I'll be right there with you, being on the receiving end of many eye rolls.

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  8. Ahhhh, have I mentioned the my Minions are all of the male species? I kind of like it that way...

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    1. Lucky you! I've feared this since the day I found out I was having a girl. Never thought about it when I had a son, funny how it works that way.

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  9. *sigh* I can relate. Just wait, mine came home from school the other day and asked why girls think a guy's butt is so hot when it's really their abs. She's 13 and going into lockdown.

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    1. I thought of locking her in a closet until she was 30, but I figured CPS would frown upon that.

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  10. Man, I feel your pain... really great post... made me wanna look up chastity belts on ebay...I bought a pink one to soften the blow a bit....

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    1. I'd have to conveniently lose the key too.

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