Saturday, August 4, 2012

Does a Superhero have BO?

Admit it, we all wanted to be superheroes when we grew up.  We all wanted to have a superpower too.  You know, something that made you special.  Something you could do that nobody else could.  Well, here I am, pushing 40 and I finally figured out my superpower.  I don’t stink.  Wait, what?  Yes, it’s true, I don’t stink.  I’ve told you before how hot it is at work and even though I sweat my ass off, I don’t come home smelling like BO.  Maybe that should be my name “NoBOman”.  Maybe not.

I may come home smelling like chemicals, but not BO.  Wait, maybe that’s how I got my superpower.  Yeah, I was at work when I stumbled and fell into an anodizer (sulfuric acid) and it took all my stench glands.  When I finally got out of the hospital, I stumbled onto a robbery in progress.  I noticed I was sweating profusely.  So I jumped in the middle of the robbers and threatened to do jumping jacks so my BO would knock them out and they got scared.  They whispered amongst themselves “look at all that sweat, if he spreads his arms and legs, I’m not sure we’ll survive.” “I told you we should have worn gas masks instead of hello kitty masks” “Why don’t me just shoot him” “What if his blood stinks as bad as his BO, seriously, look at all that sweat.”  They eventually gave up and thus “StinkFreeman” was born.  Maybe not.

Deodorant

But seriously, I haven’t worn deodorant since I was in school, and that was only because I was told I was supposed to.  I could go days without showering and nobody would even notice.  Don’t worry, I generally shower most days, but I’m just saying, I seriously wouldn’t have to.  Now, back when I had hair, you could tell if I didn’t shower because of my hair, but now that I shave half and went bald on half.  I could totally get away with it.

My arch enemy would be some chick who wears too much perfume.  It’s like my kryptonite.  Someone walks by now and I about pass out.  She had a chemical spill herself so she can’t smell things so she’s not afraid of what all that sweat may smell like.  But if I get my hands on her and give her a huge sweaty hug, she goes limp until she can spray more perfume.  Then I pass out until the smell dies down, and hug her until she passes out.  It’s a vicious circle.  I definitely see multiple movies “the Sweaty Knight rises.”  Or not.

Only my love interest will know the truth, that I don’t really stink.  And that a sweaty girl turns me on.  Nothing better than some sweaty cleavage.  Oh wait, sorry, was getting into my character.  Yeah, my character thinks that.  My character “Sir Not So Stinky” thinks that.  Or not.

So I can’t think of my superhero name, but I got a superpower damn it.

 

Dude Write

I am participating in the Dude Write Starting Lineup this week where you can find some excellent posts by bloggers who happen to be dudes.  Stop by, read them all and vote for me and 2 others.

15 comments:

  1. Dude, don't you that humans quickly adapt to almost any odor and after a few minutes we can't even detect the foulest, dankest smells. That's why there are cat ladies. I'd get a second opinion from someone who has never met you. You might stank.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe that's my superpower, I can't smell myself. That changes everything.

      Delete
  2. Anosmia-Man! Oh wait that means YOU can't smell, but as Joe says maybe everyone else is just polite.

    I loved the shave half, bald half....I immediately thought of an aging two-face.

    WG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Would that be like two-head? Because, you know, I have 2 heads, Um, never mind.

      Usually when someone asks why I shave my head, I say I was beating God to the punch.

      Delete
  3. I used to think the same thing. Then I realized that it was just that I have a terrible sense of smell. LOL Joe is right though. In order to conserve brain power, your brain will shut down a certain type of smell that is overwhelming. That's why heavy smokers can't smell how terrible they smell.

    Michael A. Walker
    Defying Procrastination

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm thinking no one believes my superpower. I'll have to get an expert in here.

      Delete
  4. Ok boys, being the woman that lives and sleeps with this No BO Superhero, it's true! My Superhero truly doesn't have BO and considering I have the sense of smell like a dog, he really is odor free :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Replies
    1. That's better than anything I came up with.

      Delete
  6. You could call yourself "Fresh-man"! "Always fresh, never the smell!" Could be your motto.

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    Replies
    1. I might have flashbacks from high school, but I like the motto.

      Delete
  7. I never really get BO, but I definitely do sweat a lot if I don't use deodorant.

    Who is that girl?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wait, you can use it to prevent sweating, son of a bitch! These are the things that a father is supposed to teach you. Where the hell was he?

      Sara Jean Underwood - or as google knows her "Sweaty cleavage" because that's what I googled and found her picture.

      Delete
  8. I'm laughing at your claimed antiperspirant ingorance Mr. Stinkfree.

    ReplyDelete