Friday, August 31, 2012

Dating Mrs. Palmer

I have a few loyal readers to my blog, one of those is my mother.  So mom, consider yourself warned.  This is a post you may want to skip.

So, my lovely wife and I have noticed a trend going on in the house lately.  For some reason, my 8 year old son, is all of the sudden, taking really long showers.  I know what your thinking, we thought it to.  But we would just poke our head in and ask

“Have you washed your hair?”

“No”

“Have you washed your body?”

“No”

“Well, quit playing with it and get washed up.”

I was joking, sort of.  But after this happened more than a few times, I decided we needed to have a chit-chat.  So I asked him before putting him to bed.

“What are you doing in the shower for so long?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you playing with yourself?”

He puts his head down and says “Yes.”

Seriously?  Already?  I mean, I know at this age, you touch it and grab it, but is he old enough to actually play with it that long?  I have no idea what age I was when I started spending that much time “pleasuring myself.”  I know once it starts, it never stops but I have no idea how young you are when you start.

“Everybody does it buddy, but you need to do that in the privacy of your bedroom.  We have to pay a water bill and you standing in there for an hour isn’t helping any, plus other people use that shower, ok?”

“Ok.”

“And make sure you clean up after yourself.”

“Ok.”

Yep, he’s a chip off the old block.  Was this supposed to be a conversation that I was supposed to have with my father?  Or did I overstep by talking to him about it?  I’m very open with my kids, if they have questions, I’ll get them answers.  I would rather them come to me with questions rather than talking to someone else.  I hope they continue that practice all the way through school and into adulthood.  My father passed when I was 8, so I didn’t have that male figure in the household to ask or ask me about these kinds of questions.  I sure wasn’t going to ask my mom, ewww!  Besides, she bought me one of those books about puberty.  Of course, I just spanked it to the nude drawings of the woman.

I don’t see how it’s productive to tell him not to do it.  Sure, tell him not to do it in public, but he isn’t hurting anything.  Unless he strokes too hard, but then it’s his own fault anyways.  Although, he uses both hands in sports.  He may not be able to switch hands for some strange.  Poor kid!  We all have our crosses to bare.

I’ll be glad when he’s old enough to really keep it hidden.  Do I have to teach him to use a sock or is that something he learns on his own?  I never used one but to each his own.


 

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24 comments:

  1. Unless he does his own laundry, I'd skip the sock suggestion.

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  2. My kid just had a cold, there's a little mountain of used tissues beside his bed. I'm a little afraid to clean it up.

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  3. Well maybe he'll discover the joys of being ambidextrous, that can only be a good thing! Also, I'm with Joe on the sock part!

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    1. This is true. I've only heard of the sock thing, so I'm with Joe of that as well.

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  4. Who knew I could learn something about a sock this late in life... Seriously, do you draw a face and some lady bits on the sock? Is this going to be a sock of the average teenager? Those things have more holes than Swiss cheese, it would literally look like uncle fester with a sweater....

    Anyway, funny pot, Jeff!

    WG

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    1. I am here to educate, and laugh at your comment. Nice!

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  5. I would imagine there wouldn't be much (if at all) any "clean-up" involved with an 8 yr old, but that's not to say he's not taking the car around the track a few times. :)


    Michael A. Walker
    Defying Procrastination

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    1. I don't care if there is a clean-up as long as my wife and I are oblivious to it. What you don't know, won't gross you out.

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    2. LoL, so true. I had recently had that talk with my son. He came home with a "pamphlet" from school that required... err... um... some discussion. :)

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  6. Man and I only had a talk with my Minions about proper washing....(insert sarcasm here) I can't wait to have this talk....

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    1. It's a talk I never saw coming so consider yourself warned.

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  7. He's only 8? I'd say he's getting an early start! About the sock...I remember my socks could stand up on their own by the time I got done with them! You could slice a finger open on those things! Better just get him a box of tissues and a wastebasket!

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    1. I'm thinking he's just playing at this point, but I'm going to go and buy a 3 pack of tissues just in case. I wouldn't want my wife to cut herself doing laundry.

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  8. A fun post that brought back memories. When our son was small I'd glance over at him and see his hand in questionable territory. After a while I said, "It'd perfectly normal for you to do that but I don't want to watch. If you want to continue, go do it in your room. He decided he'd rather watch TV and stopped.

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    1. I coached him in little league this year, there was one game I had to keep yelling at him from the dugout because he kept grabbing himself on the field. I had to talk to him after that inning.

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  9. You really did handle the situation wonderfully, just to let you know.

    You also must have the best water heater in the world :)

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    1. Thanks! I hadn't thought of the water heater being good. Maybe I should put a crappy one so he takes quicker showers.

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  10. 8! Good grief, oh well, at least you get it out of the way early.

    I read that book too, those cartoon women were hot ;)

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    1. I know right, it's like pre-playboy porn for boys.

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  11. So that's where all my friggin socks have gone. I'll wear slippers from now on :)

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    1. Socks straight from the dryer, always be safe.

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