humor

“An employee at a Taco Bell in Alaska was sentenced to one day in jail for throwing a taco at his manager. He’ll spend the whole day pleading with fellow inmates to think outside the buns.” -Jimmy Fallon

I’ll take Star Wars any day.

ATTENTION:

Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, floods, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.

Hundreds of Professional Football players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren’t bad enough they could be deprived of their life giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $27,080 a month, about $902.75 a day (that’s less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NFL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it’s a start, and every little bit will help!

Although $900 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a football player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, nine hundred dollars is nothing more than a month’s rent, a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a football player, $900 will partially replace his daily salary.

Your commitment of less than $900 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio .

HOW WILL I KNOW I’M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples’ suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I’M HELPING?

Your NFL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won’t know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

Remember, a lifestyle is a horrible thing to waste…

———————————————————
YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NFL player. My preference is (check below):

[ ] Offense [ ] Defense [ ] Special Teams [ ] Entire team

Please charge the account listed below $902.75 per day for the duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player and my very own Roger Goodell (NFL Commissioner) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

Your Name: ____________________Telephone Number: ___________________
Account Number: __________________Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: ______________________

p.s. If you have a little extra, please enclose for the cheerleaders. Contrary to public opinion, cheerleaders are people too

It’s not real, but I’m having a Taco-mergency right now.

This sun really likes the heat.

I love these auto corrects.

Samantha’s party

We had Samantha’s birthday party at my great aunt’s house because she has a pool.  We got there and the kids headed straight for the pool.  Now, when we were there on the fourth for the annual July 4th get together, I tried to talk Samantha into jumping into the deep end without floaties on her arms.  She can swim, she’ll go off the diving board with floaties, she’ll even swim in the deep end without the floaties.  So since, no one was at the party yet, I had her follow me to the deep end, then told her to jump in.  Which of course, she didn’t.  She cried, bargained, ect. ect. for a while.  I kept telling her she had 2 options, jump in or I throw her in.  After 20 minutes, I threw her in.  She floated up and realized she could do it.  By the time we left the party, she was jumping off the diving board.  So yeah, I’m a mean dad, but I accomplished what she was afraid to do.  I knew she could do it, and I forced her to do it.  And she’s better for it now,  At the end of the evening, she was shouting “daddy, I faced my fear” and she’d jump in.  Score one for bad parenting.  Here’s the pics from the party.  Cheri was going to try to get one of her jumping in, but got tired of waiting on her to do it, by the time she realized what was happening, she got the after math.  Which is the first pic.

I’m not sure what that look is, but it’s funny.

      

      

She got a bunch of Zoobles, whatever those things are.  But that is what she wanted.  Instead of the traditional cake and ice cream.  Cheri took ice cream cones, put ice cream in the bottom of them, and made cupcakes to go on top of the cone.  Very yummy and they were a big hit with the family.

And of course, I have to post this picture of Randall jumping in the pool.

Look at that face, lmao.  The really funny thing is, I don’t think he knew I was taking this picture, that’s just the face he made.  If your reading this mom, make sure Randall see’s it.

MSS, that’s me

MSS is what my wife and I jokingly refer to when I do something that she would have done. Something that she would blame on her MS. It stands for Multiple Sclerosis Spouse. We have taken this diagnosis pretty well, I think. It helps because it was somewhat of a relief because she was diagnosed with AS before and this explained why all her meds before this would only work for about a month or two and then stop. Of course, soon after the diagnosis, while receiving her medical records from down south, we found out she was actually diagnosed 4 years ago and was never told. I think she took that news just as hard as the actual diagnosis. And it didn’t help that some of the meds they gave her for AS actually causes MS. She was more upset that she could have been better off for the last 4 years than she was, She took it in stride, it effected her, but I’m not sure she’d admit that. She doesn’t like to show weakness emotionally. I know she’s afraid, I’m afraid. We’ve talked about it some and we both fear the future. Although I would think her fears aren’t all the same as mine, but I believe she has more than she’s sharing.

My fears – I joined an MS website and I like to read the section called caregiver. Technically, that’s what I am. And that scares me. I’m not exactly known for taking care of anything. I’m more known for being lazy. Now it’s possible that I’m going to be the one taking care of another adult in the future. So yeah, that scares me. It’s in the future so I have time to adjust to it, and I’m certainly not going to run. For now, I’m just the muscle. Carry things & give back rubs. I worry about her. But she can still take care of herself.

My fears – The biggest triggers of MS symptoms are heat and stress. The heat we can control by not going out in it. Some heat is out of control such as her body overheating after showers or getting dressed but there isn’t much we can do about that. She has to shower, she has to get dressed. And she’s been dealing with those symptoms for quite a while and as much as they suck, she gets through it. My biggest fear is the stress. We can’t make it financially on my salary alone. Her getting disability is on hold, we are waiting on a court date which could take up to 3 years to get. I have a court date to get child support in August. We have never seen any child support for my stepdaughter. I was working overtime for a little bit and they took away my food stamps and medicaid for the kids. It seems like every time we try something to get some extra income coming in, or to get help, we get kicked in the ass. And my ass is getting sore

My fears – A quick summary for those who don’t know our story. Cheri and her 16 year old daughter moved up here a little over a year ago. Cheri is very happy here, Skyler isn’t. And she likes to put that stress on her mom. She blames me for everything, which is fine, I’ve got broad shoulders. But she is intentionally making her stay here miserable for herself. She won’t make an effort to do anything, she is depressed. Which is understandable, except all this is adding more stress on Cheri. Cheri blames herself for turning her daughter’s world upside down. And Skyler is happy for her to take it all in and feel bad for her. All she wants to do is go back to Virginia, she doesn’t care that this is the last year she’ll have to spend with her mom before going back to college. Don’t get me wrong, she loves her mom. I have no doubts about that. But she is a typical teenager where all they think about are themselves. If we would allow it, she’d move back to Virginia tomorrow. And I’m pretty sure, we would hardly ever see her again. Cheri can’t make the trip down there anymore, and I’m sure she won’t make an effort to come up here. So all Cheri wants, is one final, good year with her daughter. But that won’t happen as long as Skyler only thinks about herself. I really don’t care if Skyler makes herself miserable, it’s her choice to do so. But Cheri doesn’t need the added stress of seeing her daughter so miserable. Her selfishness pisses me off to no end. And I know Cheri is tired of hearing me complain about her, and it kills me not to say anything to Skyler. But I keep my mouth shut, and watch Skyler walk all over her mom, disrespect her to no end, do whatever she wants. And I have to sit and watch while Cheri takes it.

My fears – That people don’t understand this disease. That because we turn down opportunities to do things doesn’t mean we don’t want to do them, that sometimes, it means she can’t do them. I read on the MS site where a lot of people lose friends and family because they just don’t understand this invisible disease. That just because she looked fine last time you saw her, doesn’t mean it’s not kicking her ass today. We don’t have to worry about friends, neither of us really have a bunch of them anyways. At least none that we hang out with.

My fears – That Cheri will have to rely on me more and more. Because I know how much she loves to do things herself. I have to make her get me for help on things because she just sometimes can’t admit that it’ll effect her body the rest of the day. She overdoes it now, I can’t imagine how bad it’ll be if she ends up having to do less. Not to mention, having to rely on me scares me. For the reasons listed in my first paragraph of my fears.

My fears – I have plenty more smaller ones that I won’t go into now. This post is long enough. But one thing I don’t fear, is my love for Cheri. We will get through all of this, now and in the future. We will continue to raise our kids and live our lives. Because one thing I know, is Cheri won’t go down without a fight. She hates feeling this way and will do anything she can to not feel that way. We will survive and live our lives doing it.

I want to be rich!!!

I know, everyone does.  But I don’t want a fancy house, or cars, or boats, or whatever, you get the idea.

• I want to be rich so I can take care of my family.
• I want to be rich so I can afford gas in my car.
• I want to be rich so I can afford to have birthday parties for the kids.
• I want to be rich so my wife doesn’t feel guilty for not working.
• I want to be rich so we don’t have to scrape just for grocery money.
• I want to be rich so I don’t have to worry about medical bills building up.
• I want to be rich so I don’t have to field phone calls from people wanting money.
• I want to be rich so I can be the friend helping other friends.
• I want to be rich so I can actually use my vacation days for vacation days.
• I want to be rich so I can stay home when I get sick.
• I want to be rich so I can afford new clothes for the kids every season.
• I want to be rich so I can afford future medical needs.
• I want to be rich so I don’t have to get pissed at not receiving child support.
• I want to be rich so I don’t have to worry about checks bouncing every week.
• I want to be rich so I don’t have to wear the same clothes I’ve had for years.
• I want to be rich so I can afford to go with my wife to her doctor’s appointments instead of work.

I take that back, I don’t care about being rich.  I just want enough money to survive comfortably.  Enough to not have to worry about not having it.

I love my wife

I know, everyone says that.  But I mean it too.  Not only does she take care of this family.  But she does it all with MS (Multiple Sclerosis).  She’s probably had it for years even though she was just diagnosed a few weeks ago.  She was diagnosed with other things before so through all that time, she was on meds that would help for a month or two, then stop helping.  Well, now we know why.  They weren’t treating the right disease.  It sucks that the diagnose was that, but our hope is, now that we know what it is, maybe she can get the proper help.

Even though she doesn’t sleep worth a crap at night (I still say it’s because she’s in bed with me).  She wakes up every morning and wakes me up.  And for the last few weeks that’s been at 4:20 am.  Then she tries to sleep a little bit before having to get up to get my two kids (8 yrs. & 6 yrs.) up for school.  Takes Samantha to school, comes home and then takes Skyler to school, then comes home for a few hours before taking Trevor to school.  In between all that, she’s making sure they are fed and looking good.  Then a couple hours afterwards she picks up Samantha and Trevor.  All this while some days she can barely move without pain, days where her head hurts so bad she looks drugged, days where she’s so exhausted, it’s all she can do to just get up to go to the bathroom.  Then after everyone is home, she makes supper.  Not always just 1 supper as Skyler doesn’t eat meat so she cooks 2 meals for us.  But that isn’t all I love about her.

She is so strong, when she feels so weak.  So smart, even though she feels like her mind is failing her.  So loving, when all she feels is pain.  She has taken this diagnosis in stride and just keeps plugging along.  She complains about the pain, who wouldn’t, but she never says “Why did this happen to me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?”  She just keeps going and tries to do all she can.  I have to tell her to stop and I get on her all the time for not asking for help.  I have to tell her it’s ok to not go to the kids games because it’s 100 degrees out.  That it’s ok to sit on your butt once in awhile and just take it easy.

The worst part is the rest of us in the house take advantage of her and she lets us.  The kids are horrible about this, but I don’t think all 3 have a clue what she deals with on a daily basis.  2 are just too young to understand, and the other is afraid to admit that it’s happening to her mother.  Even I’m guilty of this, I try to help out and I think I do help some, but she always does things for me that I could do for myself.  I tell her to leave it for me, but I know she won’t.  I need to just take over and do it for myself.

I won’t even get into what she deals with emotionally with dealing with certain family members of hers, or either of our exes, and even myself and the kids.  The whole time she deals with those emotional rollercoasters, she deals with this ugly disease.  But I believe that things will get better, because I can’t see why this awesome woman was brought into our lives, just to suffer with pain and anxiety.  I see her strength fighting this disease the whole time.  And I will be by her side the whole way.

So in closing, I love my wife, not only for the love she shows me but for the strength she shows everyone else.  She doesn’t even have a clue how strong she is, and I love her for that.  My job as her husband is to make sure she knows how special she is to me.  I don’t always show it, that’s my flaw.   A flaw she more than makes up for with all the ways she shows me that she loves me.  I will try to live up to her expectations because it’s the least I can do for my wife, the love of my life, my everything.  My heart and soul belongs to her.

I love my wife!

Feel free to follow her blog at http://claws1022.blogspot.com/

Quick humor

Just something real quick before I head to bed.

How can you not laugh at that.

I love this because my daughter has an iPhone and while I’ll admit they are great phones, the fact that it has cost me more money than my wife and I’s droids because everything that goes with it has to be “apple”.  I haven’t paid for 1 app on my phone but she’s had to buy a few of them that were free to Droids.  Not to mention the jacked up chargers you have to pay $20+ because it has to be an “apple” charger.  I can get one for my droid at dollar general.  I hate things where the only thing that goes with them is there stuff.  Purchase our item, it’s the best.  Then have the small print saying, but it’ll keep costing you bit by bit until you smarten up and buy something else.

Don’t they know Taco Bell isn’t real mexican food.  Mexican’s don’t eat there.

Always good advice, but I hear that’s where lawyers come from.

Ya might want to look behind you.  Better yet, that face your making, you may not want to publish this pic.  Oh wait, too late, never mind.

He really likes the weather.

I’m heading off to bed now, hope I made you at least smile.  Sorry about the lack of posts recently but I’ve been exhausted with working a bunch of overtime.  Till next time.

Deadbeat parents

I started to write deadbeat dads up there without even thinking about it.   But that just isn't a fair assumption.  Deadbeat moms isn't something you ever hear.  I know plenty of kids who are in custody of their mothers and the father is a much better parent to the child.  And I'm not talking about the person who just is a great parent because they actually spend time with the child.   I'm talking about the parent who takes time to teach them right from wrong.  Who takes time to show the kids they love them.  Who takes the time to teach the kids to grow up properly.  Who makes sure the kids are clean and well fed.  Who gives them the best possible chance at excelling in everything they do.

Why the courts believe that the mother is always the best option is beyond me.  My brother had a custody battle and he had video and visual proof that she doesn't care about the kids.  He was sending them to a really good school, paying for all their clothes, being the great father that he is.  She got up, lied her ass off about supporting the kids and won custody.  Where the kids were afraid to go to school and had the right to be afraid.   Why did she win?  Well, she's the mother.  There was not one negative thing proved against my brother, and she still won.   The justice system is set up to favor the mother.  You have to prove her "unfit".  Why don't you have to prove the father "unfit"?  If he has custody, shouldn't she have to prove him unfit to take them back?  Nope, that's not how it works in todays courts.

Why am I against the system even though I have custody of my children?  My divorce and custody was between my ex and I, the only thing we did in the courts was file paperwork.  No lawyers, no judge, no court.  Everything was agreed upon before hand.  It was joint custody at the time as we were splitting the time equally.  But I filed all the paperwork so the judge gave me physical custody with joint custody on visitation.   My ex and I had verbally agreed that since I carried the insurance, that she would pay any copays on office visits and medicine and we would split any bigger bills.  Once I moved a little further away and enrolled them in the school system I wanted them in, she fussed about it.  But I had physical custody so there wasn't much she could do.  She started to see them less as she moved further away.  Now I had them every day during the week and she had them every other weekend.  When she started dropping them off late on her Sundays, I asked her what the deal was.  She complained she never got to see them anymore.  So I agreed she could have them every weekend unless I needed them for something.  I also told her if she gave me some notice, she could pick them up anytime during the week as well.  That's the arrangement we have now although she never stops by during the week.  After she moved away further, it became harder and harder for me to get money from her.  She won't hold down a job long enough for her to even contemplate giving me any.  I had to go get Medicaid because she stopped paying the medical all together.  The doctors office said we couldn't use them anymore if the bill wasn't paid.  So I went in and had them add everything that was mine and the kids and paid it all off so we could continue there.  Then we have the van that got repossessed.  She was driving it, it was in my name so I had to make the payments until I couldn't anymore.  Now I'm stuck making weekly payments on a vehicle I no longer own.  I could give you a whole list of things that she's done as far as no discipline, or no heigene, or no bedtime, or no rules whatsoever.  But for now, let me leave it at, she's a deadbeat mom.

We are dealing with a few exes right now.  The one father we won't even discuss because he has nothing to do with his kid since she was young and hasn't paid any support in forever as well.  The other ex, thinks because he gives his son $100/month spending cash, that he shouldn't have to pay support.  Sounds like a winner, right? But wait.  He has other kids that he lives in the same area as him, that he hasn't ever seen.  One son he just met last week after 19 years.  Why the son wants anything to do with him now is beyond me.  How you can call yourself a father when you don't see your kids is something I can't fathom.  I just don't understand how you can turn your back on your child.  I would be devastated if I didn't see my kids.
What started this long winded blog was that I finally have a court date set to receive support.  It's not for a few months though and I'm just waiting for something to happen.  I've always been afraid of her taking me to court for custody.  Even though I know I am far better suited to take care of my kids, I worry about losing them because I don't trust the system.  I am not a deadbeat.  I can not lose my kids.  I will be devastated.  So I'm crossing my fingers and hoping against everything, that we will get through this without being torn apart.

Parents influence

For those of you who don't think you influence your kids, let me give you an example that you do.  My brother and I, and 2 cousins who are essentially 2 more brothers all grew up together for a time and to this day are close, even though with some there is distance (700 miles or so).  3 of us love baseball, 1 of us can't stand baseball.  The 3 of us who love baseball, all have kids that play.  For the purpose of this blog entry, I'm going to exclude stepkids because we weren't around when they were young.  I believe all were in high school before they came into the family.  Kevin's kid plays every chance he gets. Phil's got 3 kids playing and a 4th starting next year. I have both my kids playing. Then there is my brother, hates baseball.  And coincidentally, neither of his kids play.  Now I know my brother, and if they wanted to play, he would sign them up.  But since they aren't exposed to it at all, there is no desire.  Which also leads me to believe that if your wife complains you watch to much baseball, tell her your just exposing your kids to a sport they could possibly love.
So if you can influence your kids about the sports you love, imagine your influence on them when you show them your love.  Think about it.

Cantigny

Cheri and I went to Cantigny park on Saturday.  We were in the area dropping off a stereo to a guy I sold it to on ebay.  He suggested we hit it up since we were in the area.  He even gave us free parking passes.  And we were glad he did, it was a very enjoyable.  We originally went to walk the garden’s but ended up going to the First Division museum.  In the museum, the went through each war that we have been in with displays, video and even some audio as you went through.  The visuals were tremendous.  And then outside the museum they have a bunch of different tanks sitting around that they allow the kids to climb on.  There were so many pictures we took, if you follow my wife on facebook you can check them all out there.  I’m going to post a bunch below as well but it would take me forever to detail each one.  But here they are.

  

        

        

  

The rest were taken of displays of each war.  The got jumbled when I saved them to my computer so it may jump back and forth between wars but you’ll get the idea.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

And some pics of just a few of the tanks that were outside the museum.

  

  

  

Like I said, a truly unique and great experience.  We are planning on making that trip again with the kids.  Plus they have all kinds of events throughout the year.  We are definitely going to the baseball game where they play with the rules and equipment of the 1800’s and there is a lego/train event next winter that we want to go.  Check out the website and if your in the Chicago area, specifically Wheaton, IL.  Check it out.