humor

“An employee at a Taco Bell in Alaska was sentenced to one day in jail for throwing a taco at his manager. He’ll spend the whole day pleading with fellow inmates to think outside the buns.” -Jimmy Fallon

I’ll take Star Wars any day.

ATTENTION:

Since September 11, 2001, Americans have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, floods, fires, mad cow, SARS, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.

Hundreds of Professional Football players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren’t bad enough they could be deprived of their life giving pay for several months, possibly longer, as a result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $27,080 a month, about $902.75 a day (that’s less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NFL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it’s a start, and every little bit will help!

Although $900 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a football player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, nine hundred dollars is nothing more than a month’s rent, a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a football player, $900 will partially replace his daily salary.

Your commitment of less than $900 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio .

HOW WILL I KNOW I’M HELPING?

Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples’ suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I’M HELPING?

Your NFL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won’t know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

Remember, a lifestyle is a horrible thing to waste…

———————————————————
YES, I WANT TO HELP!

I would like to sponsor a locked out NFL player. My preference is (check below):

[ ] Offense [ ] Defense [ ] Special Teams [ ] Entire team

Please charge the account listed below $902.75 per day for the duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player and my very own Roger Goodell (NFL Commissioner) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $80 for hat).

Your Name: ____________________Telephone Number: ___________________
Account Number: __________________Exp.Date:_______

[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):
Account Number: _______________________ Exp.Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other

Signature: ______________________

p.s. If you have a little extra, please enclose for the cheerleaders. Contrary to public opinion, cheerleaders are people too

It’s not real, but I’m having a Taco-mergency right now.

This sun really likes the heat.

I love these auto corrects.

Samantha’s party

We had Samantha’s birthday party at my great aunt’s house because she has a pool.  We got there and the kids headed straight for the pool.  Now, when we were there on the fourth for the annual July 4th get together, I tried to talk Samantha into jumping into the deep end without floaties on her arms.  She can swim, she’ll go off the diving board with floaties, she’ll even swim in the deep end without the floaties.  So since, no one was at the party yet, I had her follow me to the deep end, then told her to jump in.  Which of course, she didn’t.  She cried, bargained, ect. ect. for a while.  I kept telling her she had 2 options, jump in or I throw her in.  After 20 minutes, I threw her in.  She floated up and realized she could do it.  By the time we left the party, she was jumping off the diving board.  So yeah, I’m a mean dad, but I accomplished what she was afraid to do.  I knew she could do it, and I forced her to do it.  And she’s better for it now,  At the end of the evening, she was shouting “daddy, I faced my fear” and she’d jump in.  Score one for bad parenting.  Here’s the pics from the party.  Cheri was going to try to get one of her jumping in, but got tired of waiting on her to do it, by the time she realized what was happening, she got the after math.  Which is the first pic.

I’m not sure what that look is, but it’s funny.

      

      

She got a bunch of Zoobles, whatever those things are.  But that is what she wanted.  Instead of the traditional cake and ice cream.  Cheri took ice cream cones, put ice cream in the bottom of them, and made cupcakes to go on top of the cone.  Very yummy and they were a big hit with the family.

And of course, I have to post this picture of Randall jumping in the pool.

Look at that face, lmao.  The really funny thing is, I don’t think he knew I was taking this picture, that’s just the face he made.  If your reading this mom, make sure Randall see’s it.

MSS, that’s me

MSS is what my wife and I jokingly refer to when I do something that she would have done. Something that she would blame on her MS. It stands for Multiple Sclerosis Spouse. We have taken this diagnosis pretty well, I think. It helps because it was somewhat of a relief because she was diagnosed with AS before and this explained why all her meds before this would only work for about a month or two and then stop. Of course, soon after the diagnosis, while receiving her medical records from down south, we found out she was actually diagnosed 4 years ago and was never told. I think she took that news just as hard as the actual diagnosis. And it didn’t help that some of the meds they gave her for AS actually causes MS. She was more upset that she could have been better off for the last 4 years than she was, She took it in stride, it effected her, but I’m not sure she’d admit that. She doesn’t like to show weakness emotionally. I know she’s afraid, I’m afraid. We’ve talked about it some and we both fear the future. Although I would think her fears aren’t all the same as mine, but I believe she has more than she’s sharing.

My fears – I joined an MS website and I like to read the section called caregiver. Technically, that’s what I am. And that scares me. I’m not exactly known for taking care of anything. I’m more known for being lazy. Now it’s possible that I’m going to be the one taking care of another adult in the future. So yeah, that scares me. It’s in the future so I have time to adjust to it, and I’m certainly not going to run. For now, I’m just the muscle. Carry things & give back rubs. I worry about her. But she can still take care of herself.

My fears – The biggest triggers of MS symptoms are heat and stress. The heat we can control by not going out in it. Some heat is out of control such as her body overheating after showers or getting dressed but there isn’t much we can do about that. She has to shower, she has to get dressed. And she’s been dealing with those symptoms for quite a while and as much as they suck, she gets through it. My biggest fear is the stress. We can’t make it financially on my salary alone. Her getting disability is on hold, we are waiting on a court date which could take up to 3 years to get. I have a court date to get child support in August. We have never seen any child support for my stepdaughter. I was working overtime for a little bit and they took away my food stamps and medicaid for the kids. It seems like every time we try something to get some extra income coming in, or to get help, we get kicked in the ass. And my ass is getting sore

My fears – A quick summary for those who don’t know our story. Cheri and her 16 year old daughter moved up here a little over a year ago. Cheri is very happy here, Skyler isn’t. And she likes to put that stress on her mom. She blames me for everything, which is fine, I’ve got broad shoulders. But she is intentionally making her stay here miserable for herself. She won’t make an effort to do anything, she is depressed. Which is understandable, except all this is adding more stress on Cheri. Cheri blames herself for turning her daughter’s world upside down. And Skyler is happy for her to take it all in and feel bad for her. All she wants to do is go back to Virginia, she doesn’t care that this is the last year she’ll have to spend with her mom before going back to college. Don’t get me wrong, she loves her mom. I have no doubts about that. But she is a typical teenager where all they think about are themselves. If we would allow it, she’d move back to Virginia tomorrow. And I’m pretty sure, we would hardly ever see her again. Cheri can’t make the trip down there anymore, and I’m sure she won’t make an effort to come up here. So all Cheri wants, is one final, good year with her daughter. But that won’t happen as long as Skyler only thinks about herself. I really don’t care if Skyler makes herself miserable, it’s her choice to do so. But Cheri doesn’t need the added stress of seeing her daughter so miserable. Her selfishness pisses me off to no end. And I know Cheri is tired of hearing me complain about her, and it kills me not to say anything to Skyler. But I keep my mouth shut, and watch Skyler walk all over her mom, disrespect her to no end, do whatever she wants. And I have to sit and watch while Cheri takes it.

My fears – That people don’t understand this disease. That because we turn down opportunities to do things doesn’t mean we don’t want to do them, that sometimes, it means she can’t do them. I read on the MS site where a lot of people lose friends and family because they just don’t understand this invisible disease. That just because she looked fine last time you saw her, doesn’t mean it’s not kicking her ass today. We don’t have to worry about friends, neither of us really have a bunch of them anyways. At least none that we hang out with.

My fears – That Cheri will have to rely on me more and more. Because I know how much she loves to do things herself. I have to make her get me for help on things because she just sometimes can’t admit that it’ll effect her body the rest of the day. She overdoes it now, I can’t imagine how bad it’ll be if she ends up having to do less. Not to mention, having to rely on me scares me. For the reasons listed in my first paragraph of my fears.

My fears – I have plenty more smaller ones that I won’t go into now. This post is long enough. But one thing I don’t fear, is my love for Cheri. We will get through all of this, now and in the future. We will continue to raise our kids and live our lives. Because one thing I know, is Cheri won’t go down without a fight. She hates feeling this way and will do anything she can to not feel that way. We will survive and live our lives doing it.

I want to be rich!!!

I know, everyone does.  But I don’t want a fancy house, or cars, or boats, or whatever, you get the idea.

• I want to be rich so I can take care of my family.
• I want to be rich so I can afford gas in my car.
• I want to be rich so I can afford to have birthday parties for the kids.
• I want to be rich so my wife doesn’t feel guilty for not working.
• I want to be rich so we don’t have to scrape just for grocery money.
• I want to be rich so I don’t have to worry about medical bills building up.
• I want to be rich so I don’t have to field phone calls from people wanting money.
• I want to be rich so I can be the friend helping other friends.
• I want to be rich so I can actually use my vacation days for vacation days.
• I want to be rich so I can stay home when I get sick.
• I want to be rich so I can afford new clothes for the kids every season.
• I want to be rich so I can afford future medical needs.
• I want to be rich so I don’t have to get pissed at not receiving child support.
• I want to be rich so I don’t have to worry about checks bouncing every week.
• I want to be rich so I don’t have to wear the same clothes I’ve had for years.
• I want to be rich so I can afford to go with my wife to her doctor’s appointments instead of work.

I take that back, I don’t care about being rich.  I just want enough money to survive comfortably.  Enough to not have to worry about not having it.