Flashback Friday–Dude Write style

This is an entry to this week’s Dude Write contest where your supposed to tell an embarrassing or funny story that happened to you or that you witnessed in under 1500 characters.  For the record, I’m not looking forward to counting my characters.  My Windows Live Writer counts my words but not my characters.  Maybe I should type each sentence into twitter so it counts for me.  Being as this is a past story and it’s Friday, I decided to make it a Flashback Fridays post as well.

When I was a teenager and was going to church, I always sat upstairs in the balcony.  We (my friends and I) were sitting in the front row and the congregation was just finishing up singing a hymn and I went to close my hymnal when it slipped and fell towards me, no problem right?  Wrong.  I went to catch it, and in turn it slipped under the railing and fell down to the lower level.  So just as everyone stops singing and it’s very quiet, everyone hears a loud “thud”.  I lean forward and look downstairs and everyone, including the pastor, is looking up at me.  I did the "shrug my shoulders while mouthing, sorry" look.  Then I looked directly below me to see where the hymnal landed.  Had I dropped it a few feet to the left, it would have landed on a baby in a car seat/carrier.  Luckily, it just landed on an empty pew seat.

For future reference, you can type this out at http://www.lettercount.com/ and it counts the characters.  Thanks to my lovely wife for suggesting I Google it.  Of course, that was after I tried counting it and screwed up at the end.  This came in at 832, the original was shorter and I bolstered it when I realized I have more characters I could use.

Randomness

A couple of quick things.  The good news is it’s really slow at work (not normally good news) but it means I get to read more.  This generally means when I’m working and have nothing to do, I read blogs on my Google Reader and on my breaks, I read books.  I got almost all the way caught up on my blogs today.  This is how I looked.

That would be me sitting on a 5 gallon bucket with my head on my desk (sweatshirt for padding), reading on my Kindle Fire.  It helps that I’m in the slowest section on the line.  I’m sitting in front of my fan as well, if I had some hair, you could see my locks flowing in the breeze.  It may be 40 degrees outside, but it’s still warm inside.

I know none of you really read my sports blog, but I was having issues and started a duplicate blog on Wordpress.  I did the same with this one.  So if you would rather follow this blog on Wordpress than you can at http://randomthoughtsfromjccsst1022.wordpress.com/.  The blog posts will be an exact duplicate as here so if you don’t want to switch, then don’t.  This will still be the main blog and will have more sidebar activity as well as pages.  I don’t like the Wordpress site as much as Blogger but it may just be because I’m used to Blogger.  I do like that people can like your post without having to leave a comment.  And I like that now I can comment on Wordpress blogs and have account to link to.

Special thanks to Brian from “Brian Jones’ Diary – the Ramblings of a Menopausal Man” for my 3rd Chairman’s Choice man card for my post “Surprise Package” and for giving me another blog to read.  Be sure to check him out as well as the other guys over at Dude Write.

Always a good time for a couple of Apple Sucks posts.

Since this is so short, I’ll throw up a couple of things that I posted on personal Facebook account.

Some days this is the hardest thing I have to do.

If I keep eating fast food, I won’t be their fast food.

It’s funny how the unlikeliest characters become the most popular.

And a picture from my wife’s Instagram.

If you remember my last post where I said I crashed on the couch for a few hours.  Apparently Kitty found a place to sleep as well.  Right on my back and ass.

Haven’t done a Track of the Day in a little while so we’ll throw another one out there for old times sake.

Track – Sunday’s on the Way

Artist - Carman

Another classic christian song.  This was chosen because I did some service work at a church in Kentucky.  And one night we did a skit to this song.  It’s about the demons and devils partying after Jesus’ crucifixion waiting for Sunday to come to see if he comes back.  Anytime I hear this song, I go back to Thousandsticks, Kentucky and all the fun I had on that missions trip.  We did all kinds of cosmetic and maintenance to a church and surrounding buildings.  We slept in the church sanctuary on the pews and the floors.  That was back when I was a good guy, before I got corrupted.

Surprise package?

Today started off as the usual work day.  I got up, shut off my alarm, got dressed in the dark and headed for the bathroom.  See, the typical morning start.  But this would not be the typical day.  My wife didn’t have a typical day.  She has problems with anxiety some days, this was one of those days.  I told her I would cheer her up when I show her a surprise that would make her smile.

So when we got home, I kicked my shoes off and told her to have a seat.  She sits down in the recliner and as I’m unbuttoning my work shirt, I asked if she was ready for her surprise.  She looked scared.  I opened up my shirt and started to unbuckle my belt.  I stepped close to her and told her to undo my pants for a surprise.  She didn’t want to, I had to tell her she had to so she would feel better.  She unbuttons my pants and pulls down my zipper and spreads it open and starts to laugh.  Just what every guy wants, a girl that pulls down his pants and starts to laugh.

No, it’s not what you think.  See, when she opened up my pants, she realized that hole that’s normally there in your underwear, wasn’t there.  That would be because my boxers were on backwards.  Now remember up there, where I said I dress in the dark.  I usually feel around the waistband for the tag on my boxers before I put them on.  Apparently this morning, I didn’t.  What’s really bad is I never noticed until after 4.  A few times to the restroom, never noticed.  Granted those were trips to the urinal.  But when I sat down on the toilet, I noticed they were on backwards.  Now the question was, do I remove my boots, pants and flip my boxers around, all while in the stall or do I just keep wearing them backwards.

I decided to tough it out for the rest of the day.  That might have been a mistake.  I was walking and there was someone behind me, I started to wonder, can they see my boxer line, can they tell they are on backwards?  What if everyone finds out?  Will I be shunned or bullied?  But I did notice I didn’t get any wedgies today.  I’d like to think that I stretched out the front so there was plenty of room for my ass but I’m 99% sure (and a few inches) that it wasn’t that.

I am participating in the Dude Write Starting Lineup this week where you can find some excellent posts by bloggers who happen to be dudes.  Stop by, read them all and vote for me and 4 others.

Spammers

I’m so sick of spammers.  And they are all over now, Twitter,  Facebook, Email, Blogs and even Instagram.  Filters do a good job on my email and blogs, but it just pisses me off that they try.  I think in my case, I take it personally because I think your calling me an idiot.  Am I really going to fall for your stupid attempts to get me to click your links.

I don’t use Twitter for anything personal, I do on occasion, but for the most part it is a tool for my blogs to get more exposure.  So this morning, I tweet out links to 2 blogs I posted and not long after, I get a reply.  I guess technically it’s not a reply because this spammer thought by including my twitter ID, that my readers might click on their ID and then click on one of the links in his About Me section.  I report it as spam, I always have and I always will.  If everyone would use the Report as Spam, it would make it a lot harder for these spammers (or dickheads as I prefer to call them) to spam.  We will never stop them because there are always going to be dickheads trying to get their crap out.  Lowlife’s that can’t make it in the real world so they resort to tricking people.  There’s a reason you have to resort to spam, your too stupid to learn how to advertise correctly.

Facebook is personal, sure I have a few pages for my blogs, but being as I have very few Likes on either of them, I generally use them the same way as I do Twitter, to advertise my blogs.  I would like to use them more for communicating with readers and fellow bloggers, but with the very few likes I have, I don’t really see a point to it.  Facebook is good because it does allow you a lot of control, most of the people just don’t know how to use it correctly.  Did you know that even when he join an app or community, that you can always prevent them from posting on your timeline?  Before you automatically click the accept button, change the “Friends” button to “only me”.  Yes, it will still get posted on your timeline but it doesn’t go out as a status feed.  And who really goes to your actual page to read about you, most people use the status feed.  So next time you sign up for a game, change the view by button so I don’t have to see every time you get on your stupid game or that your 60% happy today.

                                                    

Now when it comes to email, I do get a lot of spam, but I use Yahoo and Gmail and both have great spam filters.  I have multiple accounts, especially with yahoo.  I even pay Yahoo $20 annually so I can use multiple addresses from the same account.  I have 2 yahoo addresses that both go to that account as well as multiple disposable addresses.  I use multiple addresses depending on what I do.  I have a personal address that I only give out to family and friends.  I have a couple of different accounts that I use to sign up with things such as Facebook, Twitter, ect.  I also use those accounts when I have to give an email address to sign up with something just in case they decide to sell it to spammers.  And I also use a Gmail address that I use to associate with all of my Google accounts.  Which I really started using more when I started blogging.  Plus my phone is an Android so it’s Google as well.  My spam folder always has stuff in it because I get a crap load of spam, but like I said, I never see if because of the filters.

Blogging has been great, and I love comments.  But not so much that I want spam bullshit in my comments.  I do get a crap load of spam comments but rarely does it get posted because of the filter.  Other bloggers have talked about the stupid crap they say like complementing my post that you didn’t actually read is going to get me to click on it.  Now most of these are my fault, because I don’t use the captcha to weed out actual comments and other people’s comments.  And unless they actually start getting through the filters, I won’t use them.  The only reason people use them anyways is because of the afore mentioned asshole spammers.  So if you use the captcha, I implore you to get rid of it.  Your comments will be fine.  It’s just annoying to leave a comment and try to figure out what they are saying.

The last few weeks, anytime my wife or I post pictures of our cat on Instagram, we get spam comments about how to get more followers.  Guess what?  I don’t care how many followers I have.  These comment’s take advantage of those needy people who think the more followers they have on their various social media outlets, the more popular they really are.  So these spammers are created by you people who are stupid enough to believe, “I have 1000 friends on Facebook, I’m so popular”, morons.  Your as bad as the spammers, you’re the reason these spammers exist.  Because of your low self-esteem issues.  Get over it, there is probably a reason nobody likes you.

And there’s a reason I don’t like spammers.  You are no good to society, pushing your agenda on everybody else.  You can’t follow basic social rules.  You want to be popular or rich by taking advantage of other people’s stupidity or insecurities.  I have 2 words for you, FUCK YOU!

I am participating in the Dude Write Starting Lineup this week where you can find some excellent posts by bloggers who happen to be dudes.  Stop by, read them all and vote for me and 4 others.

She’s leaving me!

I’m in the mood to blog, problem is, I have nothing to blog about.  Nothing exciting happened today at work, the kids are with theEx, there isn’t crap on TV or the DVR.

My wife is getting ready to leave me.   No, not that kind of leave, she hasn’t fallen out of love with me, yet.  She’s heading back to Virginia to take care of her son who is having his tonsils removed.  It’s normally not an overly big deal but he was born with 3 holes in his heart so any kind of surgery becomes more of a big deal than normal.  They have to take him down to Wake Forest just to do the surgery because of it.  Cheri is going to take off on Tuesday and be gone through the Thursday of the next week.  So she’ll be gone 9 days.  So some things will change around here and some things will stay the same.

   

Same – I’ll probably watch a lot of TV and sports.  Change – I can watch the shows and sports that Cheri doesn’t like without the guilt of making her watch.

  

Same – We still have to eat.  Change – Our meals will suck in comparison.  Cheri cooks the majority of our meals.  Full meals as in meat, potatoes, vegetables.  Our meals this week I have to take care of which means box dinners or fast food.

  

Same – I have to work.  Change – The 4 days I work while she’s gone, I’m only working half days.  I’m dropping the kids off at school at 7:45 going to work at 8, then leaving work at 2 (6 hrs) and picking the kids up at 2:20.  Works out nicely, I will say this is the only part I like about Cheri leaving, is working half days.

  

Same – Kids are going to their mom’s on the weekend.  Change – I will be home all alone.  While I love just kicking back with my baby on the weekends, I am a loner at heart and will enjoy hanging out all by my lonesome.  I may have to reinstitute naked Fridays.

  

Same – I have a car.  Change – I’ll be driving Cheri’s car.  My car is more comfortable and gets way better gas mileage so she is taking it to Virginia.

   

Same – Cheri’s mom will have all kinds of drama.  Change – Cheri will be stuck with her dealing with it.  Hopefully Cheri doesn’t catch her crazy and bring it back.  She’s starts acting like her mom, I’m sending her ass back to Virginia.

   

Same – I’ll pretend I’m in charge.  Change – Cheri will still be in charge.  I call her boss (she doesn’t like it) and I call myself her bitch (she says she doesn’t like it, but I secretly think she does).

   

Same – I’ll be sitting in the living room, chillin like a villain.  Change – I’ll be able to sit in the recliner (probably naked, don’t tell Cheri).  She gets the recliner because of her issues.  It’s the only piece of furniture she can sit comfortably in.  I usually sprawl on the couch, sometimes on the floor, sometimes a combination of both.  I can sit anywhere so it doesn’t bother me that she gets the comfortable chair.  It’s my superpower to her, she’s always uncomfortable where as I can get comfortable anywhere.

   

Same – I’ll look at online porn.  Change – NO SEX FOR A WEEK!!!  That’s BS, she can’t go now.  We have to change her plans.  I just hope after a week, I don’t mistake the cat for, um, you know, pussy.

I don’t really have any plans while she’s gone.  Other than a naked weekend, I better remember to keep the door locked.  I’d feel bad that she’s leaving, except I know she’ll miss the cat more than me.  Hope the cat can handle not getting spoiled for a week.  Guess we’ll see.

Maybe I’ll get some good blogging done.  If I can tear myself away from the online porn that is.

I am participating in the Dude Write Starting Lineup this week where you can find some excellent posts by bloggers who happen to be dudes.  Stop by, read them all and vote for me and 4 others.