She’s leaving me!

I’m in the mood to blog, problem is, I have nothing to blog about.  Nothing exciting happened today at work, the kids are with theEx, there isn’t crap on TV or the DVR.

My wife is getting ready to leave me.   No, not that kind of leave, she hasn’t fallen out of love with me, yet.  She’s heading back to Virginia to take care of her son who is having his tonsils removed.  It’s normally not an overly big deal but he was born with 3 holes in his heart so any kind of surgery becomes more of a big deal than normal.  They have to take him down to Wake Forest just to do the surgery because of it.  Cheri is going to take off on Tuesday and be gone through the Thursday of the next week.  So she’ll be gone 9 days.  So some things will change around here and some things will stay the same.

   

Same – I’ll probably watch a lot of TV and sports.  Change – I can watch the shows and sports that Cheri doesn’t like without the guilt of making her watch.

  

Same – We still have to eat.  Change – Our meals will suck in comparison.  Cheri cooks the majority of our meals.  Full meals as in meat, potatoes, vegetables.  Our meals this week I have to take care of which means box dinners or fast food.

  

Same – I have to work.  Change – The 4 days I work while she’s gone, I’m only working half days.  I’m dropping the kids off at school at 7:45 going to work at 8, then leaving work at 2 (6 hrs) and picking the kids up at 2:20.  Works out nicely, I will say this is the only part I like about Cheri leaving, is working half days.

  

Same – Kids are going to their mom’s on the weekend.  Change – I will be home all alone.  While I love just kicking back with my baby on the weekends, I am a loner at heart and will enjoy hanging out all by my lonesome.  I may have to reinstitute naked Fridays.

  

Same – I have a car.  Change – I’ll be driving Cheri’s car.  My car is more comfortable and gets way better gas mileage so she is taking it to Virginia.

   

Same – Cheri’s mom will have all kinds of drama.  Change – Cheri will be stuck with her dealing with it.  Hopefully Cheri doesn’t catch her crazy and bring it back.  She’s starts acting like her mom, I’m sending her ass back to Virginia.

   

Same – I’ll pretend I’m in charge.  Change – Cheri will still be in charge.  I call her boss (she doesn’t like it) and I call myself her bitch (she says she doesn’t like it, but I secretly think she does).

   

Same – I’ll be sitting in the living room, chillin like a villain.  Change – I’ll be able to sit in the recliner (probably naked, don’t tell Cheri).  She gets the recliner because of her issues.  It’s the only piece of furniture she can sit comfortably in.  I usually sprawl on the couch, sometimes on the floor, sometimes a combination of both.  I can sit anywhere so it doesn’t bother me that she gets the comfortable chair.  It’s my superpower to her, she’s always uncomfortable where as I can get comfortable anywhere.

   

Same – I’ll look at online porn.  Change – NO SEX FOR A WEEK!!!  That’s BS, she can’t go now.  We have to change her plans.  I just hope after a week, I don’t mistake the cat for, um, you know, pussy.

I don’t really have any plans while she’s gone.  Other than a naked weekend, I better remember to keep the door locked.  I’d feel bad that she’s leaving, except I know she’ll miss the cat more than me.  Hope the cat can handle not getting spoiled for a week.  Guess we’ll see.

Maybe I’ll get some good blogging done.  If I can tear myself away from the online porn that is.

I am participating in the Dude Write Starting Lineup this week where you can find some excellent posts by bloggers who happen to be dudes.  Stop by, read them all and vote for me and 4 others.

The first of an obsession

Do you remember how you got your first porn mag?  I know I do.  It wasn’t the first time I had seen boobies, I had looked at magazines before.  Playboy, High Society and whatever else was out there.  I had friends who’s dad had some, plus my uncle had them, we checked them out.  Oh the glorious boobies.  Num-num-num.  oh sorry, where was I?

I was spending the night at my aunt’s house at an apartment complex, the same aunt who gave me my first (and only) cigarette and also the first condom I ever used.  But the porn wasn’t her fault.  She had asked me to take the trash to the dumpster and when I flipped open the lid, there sat a stack of Playboys right on top.  I was so excited but I was out in the middle of this complex and didn’t have time to go through them.  Plus I was staying with my aunt so it’s not like I could walk in with a stack of playboys.  So I reached in and grabbed a thicker one and stuck it in the back of my pants and covered the top with my shirt.  I went back to the apartment and when nobody was looking, I slipped it into my bag. 

I remember watching the Exorcist on TV but was thinking the whole time, go to bed so I can look at my porn.  Eventually they went to bed and I broke it out to see my loot.  What I grabbed wasn’t actually a playboy magazine, but a playboy special edition.

It wasn’t either one of those 2, but it was from this series.  I couldn’t find the actual cover that I had, yes, I remember what the cover looked like.  Or more like, I would know it if I saw it.  I was so excited with my find, it wasn’t a magazine with all the articles, it was a book of all photographs.  As you can see above, over 100 pages full of not only boobies, but dos sets of boobies, 2 sisters on each page.  I had it for years until I turned 18 and could actually rent porn movies because this was before internet.  We actually had to pay for our porn.

I ended up with 3 or 4 others in my “collection” but I really don’t remember where I got them.  But I remember my first one.   My first porn movie wasn’t as exciting.  My best friend at the time older brother let us watch one.  It was Alice in Wonderland, an adult musical comedy.  I watched it again 5 or 6 years ago, so horrible.  But it was the greatest thing ever when I saw it as a teenager.  Maybe watching this all those years ago is the reason I hate musicals now with a passion.  (Except O Brother Art Thou, I love that movie.)  Maybe I can only watch musicals with boobies.  They play music at strip clubs and I don’t mind those.  I think I’m on to something.  Anyways, that story isn’t as exciting as my first porn mag but I figured I’d throw it in here just so you know.

 

So what was your first porn movie or mag?  Do you know?  Do you still have it or did you get rid of it when all the pages started sticking together?

 

I am participating in the Dude Write Starting Lineup this week where you can find some excellent posts by bloggers who happen to be dudes.  Stop by, read them all and vote for me and 4 others.

I Made Money in the Porn Industry

Yeah, that’s right.  You’re all thinking he must be huge down there.  So that’s all I’m going to put in this post.  Let your minds wander.

 

Ok, not really.  I’m a guy, I like porn.  I know, your shocked.  I started renting them as soon as I was old enough.  I remember leaving the VHS tape under my car seat until everybody went to bed, then getting it out and watching it in my mom’s living room.  Yes I still lived at home at 18,  I didn’t move out until I was 20.  I also got married when I was 20, maybe I should have stayed home since that marriage didn’t end up well.

What?  Oh, you want to know where I made money in the porn industry?  I’m getting there.  You can rent the DVD’s here.  Yeah, there’s no link.  There’s no DVD’s, VHS’s, Blu-Rays, or anything else.  It wasn’t like that.  I know, your thoughts on my penis size just shrunk.  I WAS IN THE POOL!!!!  (Sorry, Seinfeld moment).

I worked in a factory right out of high school.  I worked there for 4 years before we got new management and they decided to fire me to make a point.  For a year or two, I jumped jobs.  Worked for a temporary service doing data entry but couldn’t get anything to stick.  I was getting desperate for anything full time.  I put apps in everywhere that was hiring and I finally got a call, for a video store.  The owner hired me, even though I had an earring and a ponytail and he hated both.  He rarely even hires males because as I was to find out, 95% of his business was renting porn.  And 95% of that 95% of porn business, was males.  Who generally would rather talk to a female behind the counter, but he hired me anyways.  It must have been the sad puppy dog face.  He didn’t like me, thought I was lazy.  I didn’t like him so I didn’t work hard for him.  He complained about me to his other manager,  she said give him to me.  So I went to work at her store.  Her, I liked.  I loved working for her and was constantly asking for stuff to do.  They started giving me more responsibilities. 

One of those responsibilities was to repair broken VHS tapes.  When people brought in porn titles claiming they didn’t work, the first thing I had to do was watch it and see if they were lying.  That’s right, I got to watch porn at work.  I know you’re jealous.  Sad part was, I had to watch all kinds of things I wouldn’t have normally watched.  I’m telling you, I’ve seen it all, well, maybe most of it.

Anyways, eventually I took over the main store as the manager, the same store that the guy that hired me ran.  Who was also the owner of the chain.  Before I quit, I was doing all the ordering, entering, stickering, sorting.  I was doing everything with the porn.  All the regulars knew me and we chatted about porn all the time.  I knew what rented well and what didn’t.  I was good at the job, I was a porn connoisseur.

Now back then, internet was getting popular.  I ran a bunch of ezines (internet magazines) that were delivered to your inbox.  I had humor ones, sports ones, recipe ones. and yes porn ones,  5 different porn ones.  I used advertisements on all of the ezines,  but only the porn ones made money.  So I dropped all the other ones and stuck to the porn ones.  I was in it for the money, not that it was a lot.  But I had very little to begin with.  That was the reason I quit the video store and went to steel construction.  The owner wouldn’t pay me crap to run 3 of his stores.  I threaten to quit and he offered me a quarter more an hour and would allow 5 hours overtime.  Whatever.  I quit there but kept the ezines, I brought in an addition $500 or so a year with them, and I certainly didn’t have a problem searching for more material.

I haven’t done the ezines in a long time now.  I no longer make money in the porn industry, nor do they make money off me.  Of course, that’s because it’s free all over the internet.  I may or may not still have a porn blog with pictures.  But if I do, it won’t have ads and I only do it for the fun.  Wink, wink.

To my wife and my mom who are both regular readers. Sorry!