I love when protestors are made fun of. You use your right to free speech to take away every one else’s.
Monday, January 30, 2012
- January 18, 2012 By James Bruce
I’m going to assume here a geek boyfriend case type, though of course geek girlfriends have also been known to exist in the wild. Unfortunately, data on these rare creatures is still quite scarce, so we will not discuss them today. It’s tragic that I have to say this, but please don’t take this as 100% serious dating advice, and take a deep breath before posting vile comments about how shockingly generalized and stereotypical this portrayal of geeks is.
Free Tech SupportA standard issue geek is, by default, able to stop both your microwave oven and the TiVo, from flashing incessantly at you 00:00. His tech-savviness will ensure you stay atop ofHDMI, HTML, HTTP and HDTVs with attached HDDs. He’ll certify that your virus definitions and various operating systems are all up to do date, managed via a central house server while-u-wait.
Don’t test his patience though – while the geek boyfriend will be more than happy to tutor you in Java and PHP, he will not appreciate questions about Windows XP. You have an expert at your disposal here, not a replacement search engine. Girls not willing to learn for themselves need not apply for a geek boyfriend – your Facebook will be checked, and you will be Googled!
Logic-Based FunctionalityAll geeks are pre-supplied with a Logic Interpreter, though they lack the typicalEmotional Response Decision Determiner. While they may not be of much use in emotionally troubled times, you can depend on them to make logical decisions when the water level climbs. When the floods come, who would you rather be with? Someone to offer a shoulder to cry on, or a geek who can seek out the nearest high ground, upon which to set up an ad-hoc wifi communications protocol?
They won’t leave youIn terms of “going to cheat on you” and related factors, geeks are far less likely than their jock detractors. A geek is eternally grateful that you chose to merge with his interface, and won’t be in a hurry to seek out an alternative base.
They will however, have an unhealthy obsession with one or more of the following mythical beings:
- Rei from Evangelion
- 7 of 9
- Princess Leia
More Fun in the BedroomYour geek has probably spent hours on the internet exploring every possible facet of his sexuality watching a lot of pR0n, so if you have a geek that’s open about it then you can always be sure to find something to guarantee fun. You might want to be open to the naughty side yourself though, or be in for a shock when things go down below.
At the very least embrace his kinky side, and keep a healthy collection of sci-fi costumes supplied. Slip into one of these anytime you need to a send an intra-person control message (ICPM) of “I want sex now”, and I guarantee a 100% error-free transmission rate, (wow)!
[OK I’ll admit it, 4 of those costumes DO do it for me and I have had girlfriends who dressed in at least one of them for me at Halloween]
You-TimeIt’s likely that at numerous times in your relationship, your geek will become 100% absorbed in a new video game, surrounding himself with chips and dip. Don’t worry about leaving him alone sometime, geeks are expert hunter gatherers - in their prime. They use the power of logic, Google maps, and PayPal, to find and locate daily essentials within their locale. Unlike your typical man who drives around for hours yet ends up buying beer, the geek knows exactly what he needs and what it is near. Don’t feel guilty about using this time to get out more – your geek is simply being hardcore.
Is It Worth it?Dating a geek will require you to have a wild side, but it’s a dependable and fulfilling ride. You’ll end up understanding an unhealthy number of four letter acronyms, and may even develop a keen interest in programming the next Sims. As long as you can handle long periods of hardcore gaming and more or less no social contact ever, your geek will ultimately serve you well, and leave you never. So what are you waiting for? Upgrade now!
Stolen from Dragon Laffs